College Tip #2

Be aware that girls, even if they have good intentions, often resort to gossip and prodding.


Gossip hurts. I have had an entire apartment take part in gossip behind my back and I’m still seeing the effects that their gossip has had in my life 8 months later. I’ve lost numerous friends, and the trust of many. Girls like to prod. They love to know what is going on in your life–why you experience what you do and what your weaknesses are. It can be confusing at times when your friends approach you in a loving way as if trying to help, but then are unsupportive in their actions.

I had a roommate who saw I was upset one day and came into my room and asked me about it. She was a nice enough girl and so I told her a little about what I was feeling. When I gave clear signals I’d rather be alone however, she persisted and pushed to know more until I was left sobbing at the end of the conversation and feeling violated. She insisted on knowing everything and then offered not support and disowned me as a friend. It stung.

I resolved never again to let myself become abused in that way. I don’t have to tell people everything and shouldn’t have to explain when something is not their business. I realize now how unhealthy and agressive my roommate was and that I had rights and she was overstepping those. It was my right to share my feelings or not. No one had to make me share them.

If your friends start poking around in your other relationships and problems and persist to do so, even after you have set appropriate boundaries with them, you may want to consider distancing yourself from them. Its funny how when you are having issues in your other unhealthy/healthy relationships, how some of your roommates and “friends” will inappropriately give advise and get involved. My advise is do not let them. It’s best just to keep things between you and the other person you are having problems with. However, make sure you are kind and honest when you tell them that you will not involve them and be clear about what that means and why.


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