“CODEPENDENTS MAY NOT BE WILLING OR ABLE TO SHARE THE TRUST AND HONESTY NEEDED FOR A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP. WHEN CODEPENDENTS DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS THEY’RE OFTEN THE UNHEALTHY ONES.”
The definition of Codependency is “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as in an addiction to alcohol or heroine); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another.It also often involves placing a lower priority on one’s own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.”
Codependency is real. It is extremely damaging too.
I like this definition of Codependency because it shows that there is often an enabler and a dependent who manipulates the enabler to get them too make them feel better about their own insecurities. The addiction part of Codependency as above mentioned doesn’t have to be to a drug, but can be an addiction of a type of behavior (For example, an addiction to self-put downs and putting others down to receive compliments or reassurances). Addictive behaviors are often manifested when the addict needs constant approval, is never/rarely pleased with who they are or their appearance or selves, looks for compliments at every-turn, and isn’t comfortable with change.
The enabler can be occupied with taking care of the needs of the addict instead of their own. This relationship is damaging because the addict controls the enabler and the enabler feeds the addict’s own addiction by reassuring them that what they are doing is okay or “normal”and somehow, all the while, belittling reality to keep the addict happy. Enablers often don’t want to hurt the addict because they care about them or love them. They often will build them up with compliments and constantly re-enforce their bad behavior. If you feel you are in a codependant relationship, my advice to you would be to get out now.
The addict in the relationship can be very good at being manipulative. Here is a short clip that illustrates some tactics of manipulation.
*One very good one to keep in mind is what they say about when confronting a manipulative person about their behavior or about issues between the two of you. Manipulators will make it seem like you are the problem and that they have all these problems and that you are the bad person because you haven’t been thinking about their problems, but rather your own. This makes it extremely difficult to talk about anything and so sometimes it is just better to get out of the abusive situation.
Getting out of Codependent relationships is difficult, so you may want to seek counseling for a time to know how to resolve or end the relationship. I know there are many out there who’ve have stipulations about going to counseling because they think it is for those who are depressed, crazy, or have bipolar disorder. They are wrong. All types of people go to counseling.You are doing yourself a disservice to go through life assuming you have all the answers and you are constantly in control. We all get lost, we all go through tough things and even sometimes, just one visit to the counseling center can make an entire year better. It’s worth it.
“A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.”–Chinese proverb
“Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end” Proverbs 19:20